Weeks from Hell

I am riding a roller coaster - a neverending one. every time I think we are slowing at the terminal and I start to catch my breath and prepare to undo my safety apparatus, it speeds up and takes off again! I have been a blubbering idiot, got happy pills from a doctor and experienced a day or two of something that tried to convince me that the roller coast didn't exist, then a counselling session where we focused on the reality of the rollercoaster adn the wisdom of riding it. and then many hours in shock - eating- and hoping its all a dream - a very bad dream!

wow I need to scapbook this analogy!

anyway after some sanity from the counselling I thought I was on the up and maybe we were finally sending down stabilising roots (picture organic roots sprouting from the rollercoaster and trying to grab onto supporting poles and surrounding trees) then realised today when I snapped at CJ that I really did need another happy pill (anti anxiety - lorazepam or something like that).

So here we are. Hoping a weekend without demands will blur the rollercoaster at least long enough for me to breath again.

One of the ups was someones suggestion that i put forward a proposal about providing counselling for the social work program in the form of a research proposal. and I had some hours of the brightness of possibility of change and escape. but today Logan suggested that it was a longitudinal type study that probably wouldn't need many hours a week - there fore could be done along side my regular work. that was one of those moments when the subject stays still but the b ackground and surroundings zoom in and out in a wild uncontrollable manner.

(deep breath in. long slow breath out. repeat)

here are some pages... hope there aren't any I wasn't supposed to put up yet. its so confusing to me in the state I'm in! First 4 are scraplets. last one is not. I have some more that I haven't photographed yet. Will try tomorrow!

The question of the hour.

I was discouraged to find out this week that there were well over 100 applications for the job I was so interested in. It brought up the old debate in my head about how important is it really to have a job you love. I dream of having a job that I actually WANT to go to, a job that I enjoy doing. But then I wonder if I am being greedy as I have a really good job that pays well and is relatively secure in these hard times - so am I just asking too much - hoping for a fairy tale ending - in wanting a job that is perfect.

I am just not happy giving up so much of my precious time (and my time is precious!! to me and to my kids) to do something that is not exciting or fulfilling, and that just steals my life away. But I do love the travel I get to do, and it is getting me towards the big goals I have that cost money (one is going on a cruise!!! haven't mentioned that have i!!) and the work is not too hard. SO it is not terrible, I don't HAVE to get out, it just isn't all that.

Do you know what I mean? Is it asking too much to have a job I enjoy or am I being ungrateful and greedy? Hmm the question of the hour for me.

I had a talk with my cool dad and he made a very valid point - even if you have a job you love, it is often the people and the atmosphere that will make or break it. I think that is very true. You can enjoy a not-so-good job if the people are cool and you have friends. And since I often don't fit in - wherever I am, but particularly where I am now, that is probably a bigger point than I have given it credit for.

ok change of subject.

I have completed more pages and have in fact started putting them up on my walls around my scrap area. I control a corner of the lounge (some might argue that I control the whole house, but we won't go there...) with my scrapbooking things and my goals for the year are up on my wall. (maybe I should photograph them and show you...) and now I have about 10 of my favourite latest pages up there too. and whenever I finish a new one, I will take down my least favourite from the wall and add the latest. before I started doing that, I just finished a page and added it to the ever growing pile and didn't really ever look at it again. I have way too many pages to put into albums - or not enough albums perhaps - because I would much rather spend my money on supplies than albums!

SO here is the last page I finished. I like it in theory but not sure if it is all that. The only journalling/title is We are Davies. the colours haven't come across quite right and there is some threadless stitching that you can't see (part of the square background frame). And sadly Alyssa was almost out of the shot - doubly sad or perhaps poignant - as this was her last family event before flying off to OZ.